Need sex. Gaining weight.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize