the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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