Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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