Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
