so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
