i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
