Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
