Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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