if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
