I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
