You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's the barista slut.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize