You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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