Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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