Dual....:-)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
