I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My dick has a subreddit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
