well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize