i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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