I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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