Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
