If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
