I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
