so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
