drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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