You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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