I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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