You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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