we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
