The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
