there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
