I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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