i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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