Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
