I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
