Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
