hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
