So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize