What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
