Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
