so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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