what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
