Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
