just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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