i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
