We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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