I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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