STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
