Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The ass gains better be worth it
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