She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
