I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
