Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
