Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
