he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
