I must be too annoying 4 u.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
