After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize