I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
