Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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