friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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