Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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