I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
