i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize