I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
