I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
