Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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