There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
