Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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