Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize