So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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