I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
