where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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