overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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