none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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