So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
