She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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