Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
