I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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