what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
