How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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