ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im part way to drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
