I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
