I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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