I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
