I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
