Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
