i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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