Umm I'm too high to move.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
