Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
