So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
