The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
