its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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