Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
