I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
