I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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