This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
