so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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