so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
