and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She announced her abortion via fbk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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