i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
