Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
