Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize