so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
